Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
