Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
