Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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