i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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