I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
