The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
