and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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