i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
