I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
