Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this just has baby written all over it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize