Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
