Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
