and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
