I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
