Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
