I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize