This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
