I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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