You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
