she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
