Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
