Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
