Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
