i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
