He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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