Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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