I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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