I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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