How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
