we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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