I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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