The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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