Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
