The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
