Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
