nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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