I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
