you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
