I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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