I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
