i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
