Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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