No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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