Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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