I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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