I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
