I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
