She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
