Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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