He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
