Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
