So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
