At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
bring money and cleavage
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You are the jesus of drinking
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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