My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
