The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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