hotel room ftw
high people should be assigned attendants
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
