tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
