she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
