At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
