why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
