just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
