just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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