If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I AM VODKA MAN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
