My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
