$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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